The hardest time I had in practicing was in learning Chöd. This is a psychological ceremony, which is self-enacted and which is meant to exorcise “Self” and cut the attachment to the idea of a solid, inherently existing Self. This it does by first enacting a fearful and demonic setting. The actor, performer, is both demon and sacrificial victim. The fearful symbolism is there to overcome our basic fear of death and the dead. Once this has been accomplished the door to enlightenment is open. In the words of one Teacher: it is like taking a jet plane to enlightenment instead of walking. One aspect of the mortal fear that has to be conquered lies in the use you have to make of implements that are made from human bone: a trumpet made from a human femur, and - in some cases - a kapala made from a human skull. I come from a tradition that holds human remains to be ritually impure - “tamé”. This meant that approaching Chöd was a daunting thing, because of that reason alone. Usually, a teacher will make you learn the songs before you get to play the instruments: a large Chöd drum, the kangling or bone trumpet and the bell (drilbu). I perfected the songs until my teacher said: there is nothing left to learn, you have to play the drum and the kangling too. This took me a long time, and I built up my fear of the kangling (which of course is exactly why it is there). One day, my teacher sent me the instruments in a package, the kangling coming in a beautiful brocade case, and the kapala wrapped in silk: implements of honor, instruments of enlightenment. Touching them for the first time felt as if I turned my back on my own tradition and crossed over into forbidden territory. But the Heavens did not open. Once I could bring myself to play the kangling and drink from the kapala, I knew what their significance is. All of us run away from death and the taboos surrounding death and human remains keep the separation intact between us and the dying and the dead. Yet I have the same femur inside of me, and if you split my skull it will be an admirable cup to drink from. After all, the bone objects are no different from anything else as objects. A lesson in non-dualistic thinking. Now that touch has become so important to me, I realize this lesson even more.